those friends

you know those friends who you haven’t seen in a while and you’re about to get together with them and you have no idea what to expect. what on earth will we talk about? does she even know who I am and will we understand each other at all?

for some reason I went there today before meeting vivina for coffee. it’s been a while since we really got to talk and for some reason I felt tension.

but then I remembered how blessed I am to have one of those friends who, it will never matter how long we’ve been apart, how long since we talked or any other how long. she’ll always be my best friend. we’ll always understand. we’ll always encourage each other.

today, the day after thanksgiving, I’m thankful for my forever friend. I’m thankful for the two hours we spent together as though it was just yesterday we saw each other last. I’m thankful that it could have gone on another two hours, we could have cried more and laughed more and prayed more. I’m thankful to have one of those friends.

IN.OF.ATE – Stop Flattering

I was thinking yesterday about how Christians don’t often come up with anything new.

These are just some thoughts that ran through my head.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Why are we copying the world? It only makes the world look better.

We’re suppose to be in not of, right? But what does that look like?

I thought about a movie, showing Christians through the world’s eyes and the world through the world’s eyes. If we’re here for them, shouldn’t we care a little more about how to help them instead of simply protecting ourselves? Problem here is that I don’t know the last thing about making movies. Then I thought about writing a book, non-fiction… but then I thought fiction might be even better..

I still think I might… I couldn’t decide between IN.OF.ATE and IN.OF.EIGHT… or maybe even IN.OF.AIT just so it doesn’t look like a cook book or 8 steps to reaching people for Jesus.

Snowy Day

On this ridiculously cold and snowy day, I decided to take the opportunity to live out my dream day.  So here I am, curled up on my roommate’s new comfy sofa with a fleece blanket I borrowed from James, a cup of coffee, a bowl of soup and a stack of books.  I’ve always thought life couldn’t get much better than this and it made me wonder why I don’t do it more often.

This week I read a book by Donald Miller called, “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years” and it’s made me think about how I’m really living my life.  I have so many dreams, so many goals and plans, but I think I’ve realized that I’m waiting for those things to HAPPEN to me.  But they don’t.  And my life is boring.  I really want to start doing the things I’ve always wanted to.  I’ve gotten to think about the things I’m waiting on to happen to me and rather than start one of them today I decided to write them down so that when I realize my life is boring again I’ll have something else to do.

I’m waiting to…
1. Have an incredible relationship with God.
2. Get an idea so I can write another book.
3. Pay off and go back to school.
4. Go to Africa.
5. Get in great shape.
6. Paint my apartment.

I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to realize nothing will happen if I don’t do that thing. *Lifts coffee mug…* Here’s to doing.

My Weekend!

This week has been crazy! Family came in Wednesday for Aunt Malia’s retirement party and for James’ cousin’s wedding!

Friday night we all went to the Rockies game together to celebrate Auntie M and Saturday James, Nathan, Jordan and I drove up to Ft. Collins for the wedding.  Here’s the proof:

AWE

It’s an amazing word.  It barely even makes a sound from our mouths but can stir up so many feelings.

It’s fascinating to me how “AWE” can be the most incredible thing and the most horrifying thing at the same time.

I’m re-reading Donald Miller’s Blue Like Jazz and he started talking about the Congo and how two and a half million people had died at the time he wrote the book.  The word that went through my head was AWE.  Jaw dropping, unbelievable, AWE.  Not AWE-SOME mind you, but AWE-FULL.

It reminds me of Aslan.  “No, he isn’t safe.  But he’s good.”  Aslan, or God, is AWFUL and AWESOME.  At the same time.  In no other being or idea is that possible.

WHY KNOT – Part 7 – Ideas

(These are NOT money saving tips.)

IDEA #1: the wedding celebrationS — not only one celebration, but a whole boat load.
Instead of having a huge wedding where everyone is together at once, I’m very intersted in having a TON of showers.  When I say TON I mean… as many as is physically possible and then finding a way to squeeze a few more in.  Girlfriend’s shower, family’s shower, family-friend’s shower, college-friend’s shower (maybe I’ll get to come back to Missouri for a weekend!), california-friend’s shower (AT LEAST ONE weekend in Cali will definitely be in the works!), and any other shower I could ever think of!!
Shower of course is a word I would love to rethink, because there would be no reason for these to be girls only.  I want everyone who hasn’t to meet James and everyone who hasn’t to meet me.  Calling them “Pre-Wedding Celebrations” is a little bit long to catch on, but hopefully I’ll come up with something.  Actually, instead of considering them “Pre-Wedding” or “Shower”, I would LOVE for people to consider these “Wedding Receptions.”  Maybe there wasn’t enough seating at the Ceremony Venue, but we made sure to have plenty of room at the reception for everyone we want to spend time with.
I think the biggest reason for wanting to do this is that I’ve noticed at the weddings I’ve gone to, the bride and groom often don’t get to greet everyone there, much less invest more in the guests’ lives.  I want to be a part of your lives as much as I want you to be apart of mine and it seems that inviting 300+ people to my wedding isn’t really the right way to do that.

IDEA #2
Another crazy idea I had is that after, say a ceremony in the park with picnic blankets instead of seating, we could have a pot luck!  Guests would bring food and we could have a church style day at the park!  It wouldn’t cost you more than it would have to feed your family that day anyway and we could take the whole afternoon, eat, play ultimate frisbee, have a slip-n-slide, dance in the gazebo, and have some face painting for the kids.  (Don’t worry, I’ll bring a change of clothes and you are more than welcome to come comfortable.)  If this idea plays out I’ll ask my guests to bring their favorite family dish and the recipe to go along with it so that I can start my recipe book and make some amazing meals for my new husband.

WHY KNOT – Part 6 – Wrapping Up

*DISCLAIMER:  This was definitely the hardest part for me to write and the reason it’s taken me so long to get this series out.  I absolutely DO NOT mean to hurt anyone’s feelings by saying what I feel like needs to be said.  I love every person who is in my life.  You all mean more to me than I could ever say and I would love every person in my life to be as involved in the engagement/wedding process as possible.  Expense is most of the reason I’m afraid that may not be possible.  I DO LOVE YOU.*

These things combined have made me rethink everything I have ever believed about weddings.  Here’s what I’ve learned.  Having a huge, gorgeous, expensive wedding will NOT make my marriage last.

Some things you’re probably wondering:
Yes, I HAVE seriously talked about eloping.  I know if it were to take place my parents and my fiance’s parents would be present and sign as our witnesses.  The elopement idea is not coming from a need to hide anything.  Our authorities would give their approval.  But so all of you know, the serious consideration of eloping has been pushed to the far back burner.  James and I have realized how much we want to be a part of our friends lives and marriages and, because of that, I want to give others the opportunity to be a part of our lives.
Putting the elopement idea aside, then I feel you should probably know that the idea of having a small wedding seems to be one of the best cost saving factors I could come up with.  I have tried to think of ways around this because I DO want you all to be a part of our lives, but it is still a huge possibility.  And here’s why:
Two years ago as I was helping friends plan weddings I started thinking about my own.  My sisters told me the people you should ask to be in your bridal party are the people you expect to actually be a part of your life in future years.  Vivina, Kristen, Courtney, Abby, Erin Kieffer, Cara, Elya, Rebecca, Victoria, Darci, Katie, Morgan, Krista, Erin Weaver, Nikki.  (Note: This was just the few I pulled out of my hat at lunch with a friend one day…and it was two years ago… I met Julie, Kerrie, Shemma and others since I made this list and that’s EIGHTEEN people.  There ARE even more recent others I could add.)  I started to realize then, two years ago, that I’d need to rethink things.
Then I thought, “Do I want to get together with all my close friends and put on a ’show’ for the rest of the people I love but maybe don’t know me as well.”  That’s a lot of work for my “best” friends and I to do.  Not to mention Part 4 and the expense factor.  I guess I just don’t understand all of the American cultural wedding things anymore.  I want everyone I love to get to enjoy my wedding.  I don’t want my friends to be stressed out, I want them to enjoy my wedding as much if not more than everyone else.  Why invite and pay all that money for people you wouldn’t ask to be in your wedding party, anyway?
What if my desired “bridal party” were my “guest list” instead?  What if receiving an invitation to the wedding meant you were such a big part in our lives that–if we were a “normal couple”–we would be asking you to be a bridesmaid or a groomsman?    Is there something wrong with this thinking? Other than not getting as many gifts?
But then there goes my “high S” personality again.  I LOVE PEOPLE.  I want you all to get to participate as much as possible.  My next post contains my ideas for solving all my wedding problems.

WHY KNOT – Part 5 – Even Better

I don’t believe that my wedding needs to be that perfect day I’ve “always dreamed of.”  If that day IS the best day of my life, then I have nothing else to look forward to.

And I simply don’t believe that could be true.I’m absolutely certain that my days will continue to get better the longer I’m alive.  The relationship will get better, the sex will get better, which of course will lead to kids, who I’ll get to watch grow and get married themselves.  Not saying there won’t be hard times, but hard times make good times… yes, it’s true… BETTER.

WHY KNOT – Part 4 – Bigger and Better Every Time

I just finished college and am now the proud owner of a business degree.  In school I realized, that as much as marketing interested me, I could never be a marketer.  In my classes I learned that the key to marketing is getting people to believe they need something enough to give you money for it, whether they really do need that product or not (and whether they actually have money for it or not.)  Marketing is convincing people that your product is “special” and they should pick it over others because it will make them cooler, smarter, faster, or stronger.  I think the “marketing degree” should be called a “business manipulation degree” instead. (Sorry Andrew and Phil.)
That being said, I watched a movie this year and really enjoyed it!  “27 Dresses.” It’s a total chick flick and I loved every minute of it’s girl-i-ness.  In said movie, the main male character is a journalist who writes wedding columns.  He goes to all the big weddings in the city and, so, has a lot of info on the wedding industry.  Part way through the movie he goes to his boss (played by Jan from the office!) and tells her he wants to write an article on the industry.  He wanted to expose the billion-dollar-industry and if it was a good article he wanted out of wedding announcements.
“Billion-dollar-industry?” I said to myself.  I completely believed this information, but decided to look into it a bit.  According to a survey done by theknot.com (including 20,000+ newly wed couples) the average American wedding costs $27,880.
HOW did the wedding industry “get people to believe” (aka manipulation) they need to spend $27,880 in order to have a happy marriage?  How did people get SO sucked in to this scheme that getting married actually ruined their marriages?
The industry is continually growing–more money every year.  To go along with what my mom said, not only is planning the wedding the only thing girls today seem to be interested in, their wedding has to be bigger and better than any wedding they’ve been to before.  Marketers LOVE this about girls and, apparently, they are successful (in their own minds), because more people are spending more money.  For ONE DAY of their lives.  For something that may not even make it through the year.
Quite honestly, I don’t have twenty-seven thousand dollars.  I don’t even have ten thousand dollars.  I will NOT go into debt for ONE day of my life.  Luckily, I get to celebrate being married for the rest of my life, so I’m going to get to use whatever I don’t spend on that day as a reason to splurge a little in the future.

WHY KNOT – Part 3 – What Is It About WEDDINGS?

Once I got an answer to the marriage question, the next question I have had to answer is the wedding question.  Since I would wed, what would the wedding… look like? (Dang, I totally lost my alliteration.)  If the things I’d decided were true, then a wedding in a courthouse could last just as long, right?  Maybe the big wedding with months of planning actually caused more problems than it fixed.

**This post is not as necessary to read as the others… it’s just part of my thought  process on this whole situation.**

Though I’ve decided against ever recommending this movie to ANYONE, I did take a couple things away from.  (Don’t go see it.)  The movie is, “He’s Just Not That Into You.”1) Don’t ever give your friend advice to convince a married man to sleep with her.  EVER.  2) Find someone who is honest with you who will tell you you’re being stupid and take their advice to change.  3) Neil (Ben Affleck) was amazing:

Neil and Beth’s (Jennifer Anniston) parts were brilliantly written.  IF you do see the movie (which you shouldn’t), fast forward everything that doesn’t have them in it, but listen to every word they say.

Neil is the average guy who hates going to weddings, and doesn’t see any reason for having them in the first place.  He tells Beth that he loves her and he is committed to her in every way and never wants to spend a day without her.  She is his best friend.  She continually questions why he won’t marry her, it’s because he knows someone better will come along and he won’t have anything tying him to her.  Au contraire, mes amis.  He says that, “Maybe he IS just that guy who honestly doesn’t believe in marriage.”  He explains that he doesn’t understand why she wants to put on a big production for a bunch of people she doesn’t care about to show that they are best friends.  She has a lot of other best friends, but doesn’t feel the need to sign a contract with any of them, right?  He is her best friend and always will be, but doesn’t understand the need for a show.

She understands and agrees, but is later convinced by her friends that he is still lying to her and she kicks him out of the house after seven years of being together.  He goes to live on his boat and she is engulfed with wedding prep for her younger sister.  On the boat, a friend (who is cheating on his wife), goes to check up on him.  Neil asks why his friend got married (not knowing about the affair) and the friend says, no man actually wants to get married and all he can think about is all the women he’s going to miss out on if he does get married.  Neil says, “I don’t want to be with anybody else, I just want to be with Beth. “

At the wedding, Beth’s dad has a heart attack and she spends the next few days trying to take care of him and everything at his house while her sister and new husband are fighting and her husband sits on the couch in front of sports games and expects Beth to make lunch, and bring him more beer.  As she looks at the two of them she suddenly realized Neil was right, and that having a wedding won’t turn him into the perfect guy.  She turns around and sees him standing at the sink washing dishes.  He heard what happened and says he thought she might need help and he picked up some groceries on his way over.

Later she goes out to the boat and apologizes for not believing him.  She finally understands that simply getting married doesn’t make your life perfect.  She really liked her life the way it was with him.  She tells him they don’t have to get married and she wants him to move back in as long as he won’t bring his gross khaki pants.

When she finds the khaki’s in the house she starts to tease him, snatches them from him and starts to throw them away, when he tells her to at least check the pockets before she throws them away.  She pulls the ring out of the pocket pants she turns around to find him on his knee and says, because this is so important to her and he does love her with all his heart, he wants to marry her.  They have a small wedding out in the ocean on his boat.

I know that was a long explanation for my next point, but I thought it was a nice story… so here it comes.

I realized I completely agree with Neil.  It seems that weddings are just a big show.  You invite everyone you’ve ever shaken hands with in hopes that you get a lot of gifts.  So, unlike Neil, I’m not saying that I don’t believe in marriage.  I’ll be living on my own until the day I say, “I do,”  because marriage is very important.  That doesn’t mean WEDDINGS are important.  In my mind, THIS is the alternative, to the scenario my mom painted, that I have been looking for.

Find the person that you want to be with the rest of your life and choose every day that you are going to love that person and never anyone else.  Find your best friend and marry that person.  But, weddings are not important.